What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The uberlube is also flammable
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
