apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
