Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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