you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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