Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
