I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
