I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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