This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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