I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
