Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
