ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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