Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
