I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
