i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
