VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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