i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
