Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize