Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
