today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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