i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The Olympian is in my bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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