you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
