I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
