im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
