I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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