You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
