I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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