how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
