none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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