I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
