I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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