Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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