my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
