every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
