she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
