he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
