did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
