Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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