did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
