God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
