she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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