Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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