So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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