He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
