I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
