My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Less talking, more tequila
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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