I want to make a zoo with you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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