Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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