you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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