I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
