i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
