I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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