when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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